Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
valuable
It's pretty late & after a long day of work by brain isn't functioning quit right, so I should probably step away from the blog. However, I have something that I am compelled to share. I feel like God has put this burden on my heart tonight.
I was sitting in a graduation ceremony this evening at a substance abuse facility and heard a graduating client with tears in her eyes say that no other female had ever told her she was valuable until she was in her thirties.
During her time at the Chrysalis House, a staff member simply said to her "I'm not going to let you fall through the cracks...you are too valuable." She stood up in front of a room full of people and humbly proclaimed that the words of this fellow female changed her life.
The book of Matthew says
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
All throughout the scriptures we are calld heirs, children, and co-laborers'.
If we believe these things are true, why are we so hesitant to tell others how valuable they truly are? Do we believe that we are of real value?
To be honest, this is one of my greatest struggles. I have spent unmentionable hours, days, months, and even years not believing I was valuable. I have believed the lie that I am only valuable if I weigh a certain amount.
This is my struggle, but each of us have our own roadblock when it comes to believing who we really are. No one is exempt.
In a sermon I commonly listen to titled "mugged by the mirror", the pastor says "most people spend a lifetime trying to become what they already are."
Unfortunately, I believe that this quote is true for so many of us.
Today I encourage you to know who are you. Know what God says about you. Rediscover the truth that you are a child of God. He created you.
I encourage you to refuse to believe anything else.
No women should go half of her life without being told she was valuable. There is something wrong with this.
If you are a women and believer of God, I encourage you to choose to believe what God says about you.
You must first know who you are before you can very validate anyone else.
Tonight I was encouraged I stand strong in my knowledge of who I am. Standing strong is not a passive thing. Instead it must be a very active one. The world is screaming that our worth as women is directly proportionate to how we look.
I know this is true when I hear the statistic that this year $20 billion is spent on cosmetics alone. $74 billion will be spent on diet food. In addition, 7.4 million Americans will undergo plastic surgery this year (5 out of 6 of those will be women). I will continue just to scream the point (I am very passionate about this)... the average women is 5'2" and weighs 152 pounds, while the average model is 5'9" and weighs 110 pounds.
There is something terribly wrong with this.
Ladies- know who you are! It is only when our hearts take hold of the marvelous truths of God, that we will have the strength to tell others. You must first believe it about yourself.
Maybe then it won't take 30 years before a women is told she is valuable.
Ephesians 6:18
May you have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
A Building of Lives
Hey Fam,
If you still want to know what we are striving for as a group please refer to John's post (which is right before this one). This is the physical representation of Church here on Earth. This is clearly not a building or a worship service or some place that we conveniently found to serve. This is a life transformed and added to the body of followers. This has substance, emotion, love, grace, healing and forgiveness, something that is rare to come by in this world. But we have it! We have acheived what most would say is impossible and what most can't keep from noticing. We are the body of Christ, let's just keep trying to love one another and forgive one another so that Jesus will be lifted higher and higher!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
the past:the longer journey back
In november, it just seemed to hard. I got off work another hard day at Hands on and just so tired i really didnt even want to go to the gym(which is unusual and never happens). I get in the car just to find out that my cousin had died..at 29 it just didnt seem right. Me and him were close and just because of our past. Criminals and broken by society. We were strong and held through but just to know that he was gone i was devastated..Why him why not me???? At the time i had nothing to live for my ex-girlfriend took my passions and my smile...a smile that i had worn like a crown..beaten down by every insult she had given. I just felt like i could take no more and now this???? What was happening...I felt like God had taken the one person from me that had been through the same things as me and worse I felt like nobody cared cause his family didnt Hell they wore a smile when he died.
It was to much to handle and the light got demer. My friends never cared to ask how i was feeling or what i was thinking so i resorted back to drugs cause feeling was way to overwelming. Xanax and booze is all i lived for now. Two and a half years without became two hours without overdosing on all of it everytime i took them together.
I stole for from those who i cared about the most for what? Another deathly fix?
I lost my job in january around the time Kegan broke his leg and instead of visiting him id rather be out getting another fix...He could have died and i would have never known. I was ashamed and cried in front of him and God as i apologized but anyone who knows Kegan knows hes got a big heart. I remember the night Sammy called me to tell me about that incident with Kegan and his leg..I remembered i was drunk and had taken 6-8 xanax bars and everyone knows that xanax helps you sleep and my phone was even on silent..God was trying to tell me my friend was hurt and i needed to be there. But i just couldnt find the time...and when i did i left him high and dry there where i should have been..
I will never forgvet Dougs face when he found out I had stolen from him and wrecked both of his trucks. I felt low and broken that day leaving Sammy and Kegan to take the blame for him hiring me.
It was time,time to make a change and as I came to my small group ,broken and from hell, they collected the pieces and helped God to put me back together. Over the next 6 months, I slowly got over my cousin dying and began my new life sober for the first time. Yeah insetead of having a bunch of "friends" I had two great ones who put up with my crap and walked with me through the new. I began to feel alive and instead of covering up my problems I began to deal with them staight up...It was all new and comforting and i couldnt wait for a new day so i could start all over again...one day at a time...
Sunday those people who walked with me over the months gave me a new hope to all of this that I didnt think it could be any better but they accomplished it. They showed me for the first time what it was like to have friends really great friends...Like a family....To all of them it was a new beginning and for the longest time i fought with it but i just didnt think anyone really cared about me besides God. But they proves me wrong. I had a hard childhood getting made fun of, defending for myself,taking insults that would never fade...But they erased all of those things and made me new. I didnt think I could ever feel a love like that. I had always wondered if anyone cared about me like I care about them but that too was erased and made new..Everything that I had taught myself and had experienced was demolished and to them all it will never be forgotten cause everytime I want to get back in the drugs your just another reminder.
As I keep picking up the pieces everyday I've left my past and have given my cousin his proper good-byes just living everyday hoping he's as proud of me as my new friends are..I love you cuz and everyone whos been there through my pain, my break up with Jamie and my drug and alcohol addiction. It just goes so much deeper than thanks on my part and i love you all dearly..
Psalms 122
John Groves
It was to much to handle and the light got demer. My friends never cared to ask how i was feeling or what i was thinking so i resorted back to drugs cause feeling was way to overwelming. Xanax and booze is all i lived for now. Two and a half years without became two hours without overdosing on all of it everytime i took them together.
I stole for from those who i cared about the most for what? Another deathly fix?
I lost my job in january around the time Kegan broke his leg and instead of visiting him id rather be out getting another fix...He could have died and i would have never known. I was ashamed and cried in front of him and God as i apologized but anyone who knows Kegan knows hes got a big heart. I remember the night Sammy called me to tell me about that incident with Kegan and his leg..I remembered i was drunk and had taken 6-8 xanax bars and everyone knows that xanax helps you sleep and my phone was even on silent..God was trying to tell me my friend was hurt and i needed to be there. But i just couldnt find the time...and when i did i left him high and dry there where i should have been..
I will never forgvet Dougs face when he found out I had stolen from him and wrecked both of his trucks. I felt low and broken that day leaving Sammy and Kegan to take the blame for him hiring me.
It was time,time to make a change and as I came to my small group ,broken and from hell, they collected the pieces and helped God to put me back together. Over the next 6 months, I slowly got over my cousin dying and began my new life sober for the first time. Yeah insetead of having a bunch of "friends" I had two great ones who put up with my crap and walked with me through the new. I began to feel alive and instead of covering up my problems I began to deal with them staight up...It was all new and comforting and i couldnt wait for a new day so i could start all over again...one day at a time...
Sunday those people who walked with me over the months gave me a new hope to all of this that I didnt think it could be any better but they accomplished it. They showed me for the first time what it was like to have friends really great friends...Like a family....To all of them it was a new beginning and for the longest time i fought with it but i just didnt think anyone really cared about me besides God. But they proves me wrong. I had a hard childhood getting made fun of, defending for myself,taking insults that would never fade...But they erased all of those things and made me new. I didnt think I could ever feel a love like that. I had always wondered if anyone cared about me like I care about them but that too was erased and made new..Everything that I had taught myself and had experienced was demolished and to them all it will never be forgotten cause everytime I want to get back in the drugs your just another reminder.
As I keep picking up the pieces everyday I've left my past and have given my cousin his proper good-byes just living everyday hoping he's as proud of me as my new friends are..I love you cuz and everyone whos been there through my pain, my break up with Jamie and my drug and alcohol addiction. It just goes so much deeper than thanks on my part and i love you all dearly..
Psalms 122
John Groves
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The Most Delicious Strawberry...
The problem for me has never been finding time to spend personally with the Lord. The problem for me has usually been making the most of the time that I do carve out to be alone with the Lord. When my mind is like a factory churning out ideas, memories, agendas, and ponderings, finding quiet is near impossible. It might be the serenest of wooded areas, the most pleasantly scented candle, or the most perfectly ambient music, but it still never seems to tame the wild lynx that is my mind.
One thing that has recently helped me in this area is meditating on a story that Brennan Manning gives in a spiritual retreat guide of his:
"Imagine you are being pursued by a ferocious tiger. you run as fast as you can but come to the edge of a cliff. Glancing back, you see the tiger about to spring. Fortunately, you also notice a rope hanging over the edge of the cliff. You grab it and scramble down, out of reach of the tiger. A close escape!
But now you look down. Five hundred feet below you see jagged rocks. So you look up. you see the tiger, crouched and waiting...and also two hungry mice, already gnawing on the rope.
What to do?
Nearby, on the face of the cliff, you notice a strawberry. Carefully, you reach out, pluck it, and eat it whole. 'Yum!' you exclaim. 'That's the most delicious strawberry I ever tasted in my whole life!'"
So, I have been quite literally meditating on a strawberry to center me with the Lord and seize the moment. It has helped me see that no matter how those other things in my life seem like crouching tigers and jagged rocks, they can wait. As rediculous as that sounds to the world around me, they can wait. I never thought that meditating on a delicious strawberry would be so... fruitful. It's really helped me. Another helpful thing that I've been doing is opening my time quietly repeating to myself something along the lines of, "There's no where else that I need to be, but right here. There is nothing more significant that I need to be doing than what I am doing right now. There is nothing else that I need to be doing right now but being here." Quiet is out there. You just have to look for it.
One thing that has recently helped me in this area is meditating on a story that Brennan Manning gives in a spiritual retreat guide of his:
"Imagine you are being pursued by a ferocious tiger. you run as fast as you can but come to the edge of a cliff. Glancing back, you see the tiger about to spring. Fortunately, you also notice a rope hanging over the edge of the cliff. You grab it and scramble down, out of reach of the tiger. A close escape!
But now you look down. Five hundred feet below you see jagged rocks. So you look up. you see the tiger, crouched and waiting...and also two hungry mice, already gnawing on the rope.
What to do?
Nearby, on the face of the cliff, you notice a strawberry. Carefully, you reach out, pluck it, and eat it whole. 'Yum!' you exclaim. 'That's the most delicious strawberry I ever tasted in my whole life!'"
So, I have been quite literally meditating on a strawberry to center me with the Lord and seize the moment. It has helped me see that no matter how those other things in my life seem like crouching tigers and jagged rocks, they can wait. As rediculous as that sounds to the world around me, they can wait. I never thought that meditating on a delicious strawberry would be so... fruitful. It's really helped me. Another helpful thing that I've been doing is opening my time quietly repeating to myself something along the lines of, "There's no where else that I need to be, but right here. There is nothing more significant that I need to be doing than what I am doing right now. There is nothing else that I need to be doing right now but being here." Quiet is out there. You just have to look for it.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The Whole World's About To Change
And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn’t hit
And I don’t know
What to do with a love like that
And I don’t know
How to be a love like that
When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do
Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something
And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything
And I don’t know
What to do with a love like that
And I don’t know
How to be a love like that
When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do
Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something
Oh, the world’s about to change
The whole world’s about to chang
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn’t hit
And I don’t know
What to do with a love like that
And I don’t know
How to be a love like that
When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do
Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something
And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything
And I don’t know
What to do with a love like that
And I don’t know
How to be a love like that
When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do
Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something
Oh, the world’s about to change
The whole world’s about to chang
Friday, April 17, 2009
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